I am so uncomfortable with the culture at Cornell. It hit me hard yesterday, when I was speaking to an undergrad that started a new group. They bring up different cultural and political issues, which I thought was great, since they are usually only addressed in a patronizing way. I told him I was so glad this new group was started, since I find the intellectual culture at Cornell so bizarre and displaced from everything else. He said, "What do you mean? Cornell is the lowest ranked in the Ivy League." I get these strange reactions from almost everyone I talk to here. The people that don't feel like this have a lot of experience with low-income communities (personal or through their work) and aren't really happy here. I guess that includes me.

I miss being around people who gave me strange looks for buying new things, applying to grad school, all that standard stuff. They'd be like, why don't you find it used, why don't you learn on your own, don't get stuck buying into the game. Those questions always pushed me to look at my true motivations, the truth of what I was doing. I want to hang out with people more radical than myself, who push me to question assumptions and do more than I am doing. I have no problem telling them, "No, this is what I'm doing and I'm fine with it", whether it's being materialistic or going to school, or anything else. Making compromises is a part of living in such a destructive world. But I want to be asked and I want to be around people who don't take everything for granted. It takes a lot of courage to buck the norms and I admire people like that.