Tomorrow I take a pesticide applicator certification exam. My adviser wanted me to because it makes me more marketable, and I found a way for someone else to pay for it. It's very amusing to me--I don't "believe in" pesticides! It is true that there are some organic sprays, but generally it's a way of solving a problem that I don't believe is very helpful in the long run. Still, whatever adds to my knowledge base is useful--better to be educated about your decisions.

I decided to make a big switch in my meditations, from the mantra I had been using, to a breath-watching meditation. It sounds ridiculous, but the mantra meditation is too powerful for me. I have to be super cautious, and it shouldn't be like that. It should be calming, centering afterwards. The proof in the pudding is the way you feel afterwards. So I will do a breath-watching meditation until I feel better otherwise. It's so crazy because after fighting and fighting with the idea, I am willing to do it. I will sit there, every day, for half an hour or an hour or whatever it takes. I know it is the key, to so much. But it's been over a year and I have to be honest about what works. I have a disposition that needs a softer form of meditation, for now.