snow day!

It's snowed about a foot and they canceled morning classes at Cornell. Many other workshops/classes in town were canceled too. So I would have to say, no, it doesn't snow much in Ithaca if they are canceling classes because of snow.

As the study I'm in, I'll be getting a fat biopsy on my hip and taking an oral glucose tolerance test. I know about this from my nutrition days--you come in fasted (12 hours--not a big deal if done in the morning) and drink 100 g (400 calories worth) of a glucose solution. Then your blood glucose gets monitored for two hours afterwards, so see how sensitive you are. In this case, sensitivity is a good thing--it means you are responsive to glucose hormonally, so your body deals with it properly. Insensitivity can mean you are headed towards type II diabetes or PCOS. I really don't want to do it (I can't stand sugary drinks), but I'm really curious to see the results. They normally wouldn't give this to a woman my age unless she was pregnant (gestational diabetes is usually screened for).

I went to yoga yesterday, Forrest yoga, and there was a lot of belly work. I realize my core strength needs to be built back up. At the same time, I noticed my belly was soft, and I liked that. It's comforting. I read a book about yoga abs once. It said core strength is important for supporting your body, but the stomach should not be tight like we are used to seeing as the ideal. Tight stomach means tightly-held emotions. it should be soft and relaxed, and as long as it is strong, it doesn't matter how much fat is on the belly. It should truly be worked from the inside, giving time for emotions to come out as they will.

Being in school is like putting your life on hold. I think that's often the appeal--you feel like whatever you're doing is for the future, and if you don't like it, it's fine because it's not really what you're doing. It's fantasy-based. And at my school, it's so inaccessible to people with diverse backgrounds and situations, that it's even more of a bubble. I suppose at some point, I'll find this experience to be interesting, or useful or something. For now, it's just a strangely insulated place where I am learning some things and don't really feel comfortable.

When I went to NYC this past weekend, it was very obvious why I feel so uncomfortable here. The town is okay, but the school is very conservative and most people fit a specific mold. Hanging out with friends in NYC, I fit in perfectly, in my own way. People thought I was interesting however I was. I didn't have to stretch to find ways to connect.

Luckily, there are some good people here I'd like to see when I go. But I will probably invite them to come to my place, rather than come back here :)

I had a quick 24 hr trip (or even less!) in NYC and it was great. Ithaca is cute but isolating. That's why I have no interest in a country farm. The sweat, the grunt work, the dirt is all good, but being in the middle of nowhere is so lonely. Of course one can be in a city and feel perfectly alone, and some people feel more together by themselves in the country, but I prefer to at least have people nearby as an option.

Mostly, we walked a lot. We walked to the Brooklyn Bridge and across, we walked to Blossom Cafe, we went to a party in Williamsburg. It was a nice break from the grey of Ithaca.

I got an email today that was selling a variety of things, including "raw water". They warned it can be expensive due to shipping costs, but you can order up to a year's worth at a time, if you would like. Too typical for the raw movement. Compare that to instructions to build your own purification and gray water system. One preys on people's health fears for profit (though I don't doubt that the seller believes it as well), the other links our health to everyone else and encourages conservation. I really think that if whatever you're promoting isn't linked to everything else in a very careful, mindful way, you're going to become as commercial as anything else.

I have a test this evening and a meeting with my adviser tomorrow morning, so I'll have to finish writing tomorrow.

I'm in a study on ovary function, and one benefit of being in the study is that I get some information about myself. I got a DEXA scan yesterday, which is not normally done on a young person at all (very pricey), but gives very accurate information on bone density and body fat and lean body mass percentage. The funny thing about the results were, thy were exactly what I expected.

My body density is low--meaning, I should do things to increase it (consistent Ca and vit D supplementation and weight-bearing exercise) or I will most likely get osteoporosis (I have to say I never really believed the claims that a healthy diet is good enough--you can eat healthy, but if you are deficient in something, you will have issues). My body fat was not amazing but good (25.8%), considering that I have been too stressed to take optimal care of myself I am pretty pleased. My arms have the highest body fat percentage (30%) and apparently it's common (not healthy but common) for women to have parts over 50% fat. It was very interesting. I will also have a test of glucose tolerance soon, which I hope will be good. But this confirms for me (getting results I expected) that our bodies tell us what we need to know if we listen, combined with some common sense.

stream-of-consciousness post

I promised to write today, but I'm a bit short on ideas of what to write about. I've been going to classes, drawing pictures with crayons (for the kid in me!), walking around, got a new Kundalini yoga DVD I have yet to try, ordered chocolates from Bluestocking Bonbons (she makes fair-trade vegan chocolates that are very good, in the Hudson Valley), and exchanged Valentine's Day gifts. We kept it very simple--I bought him organic cotton socks (expensive but cotton uses so many pesticides, it's upsetting), and he bought me a mini-French dictionary. I've been listening to this French lady named Diam's, she sings/raps about a lot of clever things, and I really admire that. She got a lot of flack in France because she covers her hair (she is Muslim), she said "Modern medicine was not able to heal my soul, so I turned to religion." That is the quick run-down on my thoughts for the moment!

OK, I will start doing better on updating this. Things are going well and I'm thinking about a lot of different things... but right now is not the time. Tomorrow!

One good thing is that I am getting motivated again to study languages--I'm not feeling so overwhelmed anymore, so I can think about non-school things I enjoy. Small things so far--my Gmail is in Spanish, my facebook is in French, and my sister is sending me short emails in French. Lots of guessing from context! This is indicative of my mood though-much less depressed, much more inspired. I'm so glad.

I went to a seminar today by two young farmers starting a permaculture farm. They sell their greens to the local coop, which are heated with a passive solar system. They are off the grid and live in a yurt. The set up is a complex, with perennial polycultures. She said the market was no problem--one crop is asparagus, which is hard to find organic. They'll have their pick of buyers. It was really gratifying to see people really executing their values.

The end of a long week! My mind was very unfocused, which was a problem with the grant report I had due. I couldn't force it (forcing is the problem!), so it was a tricky balance. But I managed to get done what I had to. The balance is always the tricky thing--balance what we have to do (because of the external) with what we need (internally). How do we live in an unnatural world, following ourselves without disengaging from it all? So my day-to-day problems mirror a greater theme overall.

One small thing made me very happy. There is a young staff person that works for my school (probably in her mid-20s) who has started a permaculture farm. She and her partner live in a yurt on this land. I don't know her well but instantly respected her. So, now, they are selling their greens to the coop. The greens grow in a high tunnel, where they get passive solar energy (no other energy inputs!). The greens have been a huge success, they are always selling out, and she is going to quit her job next year. Isn't that great? She's going to talk at our seminar series next week. Usually I skip the seminar, because it's so boring. But reading her quotes in the coop paper, I remembered why I got interested in agriculture in the first place--respect for nature. It's so nice to get real examples of people doing great things.

I would get lonely working on a farm like that. But I can support such people. I bought her spinach today--it is always selling out!

classes

I feel like everything is coming together with this last semester of classes. I'm taking classes because I need to know the info, and my soil fertility class really ties everything together. Everything comes from the soil and soil management affects everything. Unmanaged, it tends to do best... but since humans are going to manage it, it's best to manage it consciously and intelligently.

I used to think I was very different from me as a child. But earlier today I was sitting on the floor, coloring with crayons, and it was hard to say that there is much difference. I am still someone who likes to sit by myself and draw, who reaches for a book when the world is overwhelming, who thinks strange things are usually funny, who wants to do whatever she wants without being ordered around. I used to want to get away from who I was, thinking I had to be better or something, so it's nice to just be this way without worrying about it.