fall

I am still enjoying the atmosphere of fall so much... the change in the air, the rustling leaves, the colors, the bizarre mix of cold and warm days. I completely missed this last year, so caught up in everything that was going on and trying to find my place.

We're going to DC this weekend and I'm trying to get excited about sitting in a car. It should be fun to go someplace different, I guess. I never can see what's so different, though. A city is a city. The country is the country. All places are the same, just a little bit different. I guess I go just to see, just to make sure I'm not missing anything huge, and to take any small thing that might be different back.

My peppers are still fruiting and I have to get the final data from it this week. Then, analyze it and prepare it all. What a pain! It will be nice to be out of school, with simple deadlines that don't bother you outside of the 40 hours. That's why I have no desire to be a business owner. I will go to a job I like full-time, but then I want to do something else. Doesn't matter what I'm doing.

I kind of like how my body stores stress in my body, so that when there is a release, I can really feel it, and there can be a nice releasing sound: pop pop. And when it's there, it stabs or pokes at me all day long, so I can never forget there's something I'm not letting go of. Bad in the short run, but maybe good in the long run. Lately I have been better at not fighting the painful spots so much. Once in a while, I just relax, accept that it's there, and then without anticipating it, I get a nice pop pop from doing nothing at all! Not yoga, not anything. I hate being told to "let go" because it's such useless advice that you can't do anything with (you can't "do" undoing), but I know my mind, and when I can find just the right way to distract it, I can get a small letting go. It's a nice small thing that might not happen again, but it's nice to appreciate the little things.

The overachiever

I am realizing where the stereotype of a grad student working a million hours a day, never sleeping. Some advisers do push very hard--but much more common is the type A personality, who puts ridiculous expectations on themselves. It is really amazing to watch. One person wakes up at 3 am, studies, runs, studies, hours later goes to class, studies, studies, studies, and then off to bed at 11 or 12 (midnight). Another goes to the lab on weekends from 5 am to 7 pm, with breaks only or eating.

I know for a fact their advisers don't demand this. It is all internal. I don't consider it totally admirable, though. In yoga classes, they talk about ahimsa (non-violence) applying to yourself just as much, and the importance of not going too far with yourself. If you push too hard, in the end you cause more harm than benefit to yourself.
Luckily, I physically can't sustain this type of schedule -- I would get sick in a week, and I would be grateful for it, because physical sickness is the only respected reason for rest in our society. Mental or emotional health is not considered nearly as much. Thus a slew of therapy and positive psychology programs at my school, to push back against this mentality of achieving at all costs.

I don't mean to be critical of these people. I respect their efforts highly. But I am concerned about the implications. Already I can see effects on their moods, and I feel a lot of compassion. They won't believe that doing less than 1000% is good enough.

Wow:
"I call myself a feminist. Isn't that what you call someone who fights for women's rights?" said the Dalai Lama to an audience in Memphis yesterday. "We all come from the same mother. That creates the basis for compassion."

I think these sorts of ideas are especially important coming from men, because the marginization of the feminine is ultimately just as harmful to them. The idea that having stereotypically feminine emotions (emotions at all, besides being hard) is not for men, is an idea that serves no one. Feminism as a rebalancing for both genders is very valuable.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

As for me-- we are still harvesting peppers! It is incredible. Loads and loads of peppers. I have to give my plot of land back October, and I'm sure they will keep going until then, since it isn't supposed to freeze.

The politics here is so bizarre. There is a big myth here that a Cornell education is far superior to education elsewhere, there's not enough humbleness and acknowledgment of what we don't have or know. I was exposed to a lot more diversity (people in all sorts of different life situations, and less likely to be rich) at my state school, and wasn't under the delusion that I was receiving a far superior education. Furthermore, the teaching is not better. The facilities for my department are not better. In terms of sustainability, they are not ahead at all. Schools like Iowa State and US Santa Cruz are actually far ahead. There are a lot of great things here, but perspective is sorely lacking.

And typical for academic institutions, outreach to community is undervalued. Published research is what counts. That's part of being in a university setting, and a reason I'm not interested in academia.

Yoga sutra

From http://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/yogasutr.htm

1.30. Disease, inertia, doubt, lack of enthusiasm, laziness, sensuality, mind-wandering, missing the point, instability- these distractions of the mind are the obstacles.

1.31. Pain, despair, nervousness, and disordered inspiration and expiration are co-existent with these obstacles.

1.32. For the prevention of the obstacles, one truth should be practiced constantly.

1.33. By cultivating friendliness towards happiness and compassion towards misery, gladness towards virtue and indifference towards vice, the mind becomes pure.

1.34. Optionally, mental equanimity may be gained by the even expulsion and retention of energy.

1.35. Or activity of the higher senses causes mental steadiness.

1.36. Or the state of sorrowless Light.

1.37. Or the mind taking as an object of concentration those who are freed of compulsion.

1.38. Or depending on the knowledge of dreams and sleep.

1.39. Or by meditation as desired.

Fall!

I have been so busy bemoaning the fact that another long, gloomy Ithaca winter is coming (MN is colder but much sunnier!) that I almost forgot how much I love fall.

The evidence:

Annual % avg possible sunshine, by city
New York City, Central Park, NY: 58%
Minneapolis-St.Paul, MN: 58%
Syracuse (an hour away): 46%
Seattle, WA: 47%
Portland, OR: 48%

So the northeast gets more sun than us here!

Okay, done with complaining. Best things about fall, here or anywhere else in the north:
-changing leaves!
-crispness in the air
-perfect running weather--sunny, warm mid-day but cool morning and night
-apple picking, fresh apples, and all the spices that go with apple-flavored treats (cinnamon, nutmeg, etc)
-winter squash
-all the holidays coming up (which I'm not really into, except for my b-day in Nov, but I might as well celebrate it all)
-for those in school, we're still fresh and excited to learn, and not quite jaded yet ;)

Some interesting articles:
Primitive cultures are simple, civilization is complex (a falsehood)
What's wrong with eco-stunts

From http://images.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=ref&q=http://www.flickr.com/photos/mattchamplin/2938153364/&usg=AFQjCNFSbOn4OpN-80yP3ekxzQOMVWrYtg


The air is crisp and nights are cold, but days are sunny and warm. Squash and apples are being harvested--I'm baking lots of cinnamon-flavored desserts. There's also a locally grown and milled whole wheat flour available, so I want to try making my own bread. I'm a bit lazy for the yeasted bread, so I'm trying quick breads--either sweet with fruit (like banana, or currents) and spiced, or savory with herbs.

My breath-watching meditation is going well. I was just thinking that it didn't seem to be doing anything, and that maybe it was a waste of time. Just my mind playing games, I realize when I step back. Before my meditation was too strong, and now that I don't see instant results I think I am wasting my time? So silly. Looking objectively, I have to say I am really happy with it. I just need to stop being lazy, meditating laying down. I am a lot more undisciplined mentally during meditation if I am laying down instead of sitting up.

There is an alternatives library here. It is really neat; it has magazines, CDs, DVDs, and lots of different kinds of books. I checked out a few Buddhist magazines. They are interesting but it just doesn't attract me the way yoga does. I really like Jack Kornfield though, a Buddhist clinical psychologist who has done a lot to bring mindfulness meditation into the mainstream in the past few decades. I really admire that-- in the beginning it was rather a rather radical act, and now it is something doctors will recommend in conjunction with other therapies (possibly medication and conventional therapy). Some feel that it loses something when it is brought into the secular realm, but I think making it accessible does far more in this case.

A quote from him: I don't think there is dharma practice on the one hand and psychology on the other. I believe that sets up a false dichotomy.

I agree.