Once in a while, I feel like I can really see everything right before me. When I can see everything, I don't get bored so easily. It just doesn't come up. I see the patterns created by the light, playing over the wrinkles in the crumpled cloth on the bed. Or the gently curling of a black leaf, twisting down as it senescences from lack of water. Then, gradually, I can't see again. How could I not see what is right in front of me?

I am trying to remind myself to see. Frame of mind is everything.

(Image from wikipedia.com)

I got a new green from my CSA! I mostly like it because it's pretty, but it has a nice flavor, too. More bite than some greens, but not as spicy as arugula. \\
The first time I bought arugula, I didn't know much. I was trying to make a green juice like I had gotten at the coop's juice bar, and I used arugula, thinking it was like any other green. What a nasty surprise that was! So I have a bad impression of arugula from that juicing incident.

We're going home for Thanksgiving, after all. That should be fun! My grandmother's also gotten interested in Dr. McDougall's vegan, low-fat cooking, so we will have a delicious, vegan-friendly contingent! As much as I don't like to stick to any sort of diet, I have to honestly say my preferred way of eating is pretty close to what he prescribes. I know many people do better with higher fat than he recommends, and low-fat is not so popular these days, but my preference is an honest aesthetic one :)

The contrast of the sky with the leaves is amazing. Even the grey days don't bother me, especially if I have music. One day I shouldn't need headphones to drown out my mind... but for now it is very uplifting to trek up the hill with music. Whether cloudy or sunny, every day the colors blow my mind.

My new favorite thing happening to me is that I'm beginning to appreciate people more--people who previously, I would have rolled my eyes at. My instructor's silly jokes, evangelical Christian radio, etc. It's much better going through life appreciating what is. Of course, I recognize ignorance. But I don't need to let it throw me off course.

Been cooking lots of pumpkin lately! They had a watermelon with my CSA and I didn't accept it because it's been cold and rainy... eating watermelon just seems to be asking to feel cold and wet inside. The pumpkin is cinnamon and nutmeg-y and delicious.

the end of a season

Today I pulled the last of the stakes out of my pepper field. They are still producing! There hasn't been a frost yet, but I'm done with the field. It'll be tilled and seeded with some sort of cover crop. My next field is already seeded with cover crops and I'll have to take some measurements in about two weeks.

Even though I was only there to pull out stakes, I filled two huge bags (like, garbage sized bags) full of red peppers. And I picked a fraction of them (and no green ones--most are green!). It's just an acre, but there are so many. I give them away (in addition to what the food bank takes from our farm) and I'm a hero to everyone. Free organic peppers :)

I ordered The Procrastinator's Handbook, which is supposed to be a good book for grad students (grad school is an excellent opportunity to procrastinate--avoid writing). I heard about it at the peer counselor trainings I've been going to weekly. The focus is on empathetic listening without advice-giving and I'm very glad I'm doing it. It helps me listen to someone else without reacting or turning the conversation to me, or giving advice (and what do I really know about how to solve someone else's feelings, anyway?).

thought of the day (for myself)

I think, to not judge people for judging others, is a good idea.

We went to DC and NYC this weekend; it was a a quick-paced trip and very enjoyable. It makes me wonder if I should apply my skills to urban ag. Ithaca is lovely and I will always have a soft spot for it. I gaze down at the landscape from the Cornell hill a couple times every day, and observe the gorges, and know I am lucky. But I am not meant to stay.

I have been feeling really good lately, with intermittent (and sporadic) moments of partial clarity. My meditation is clearing out the garbage and making my overall life a little more liveable, bit by bit. The "bit by bit" part is important. My mantra meditation beforehand was bringing up so many things at once, I was unable to keep up with it. I could see what I needed to do for every little thing, and it was way too much. It could make a person go crazy to know all of that, so I wouldn't recommend it. Total self-introspection can be devastating before everything has cleared, because you can't respond to it all and don't yet feel the connection to everything else (which you can see keeps everything flowing, if you pace yourself). But now, I just feel grateful.