I've been watching my patterns a lot. I feel a lot better since I decided to stop fighting them. "Resistance to resistance is still resistance". I've been reading about samskaras...embedded impressions. I was going to write about that.

But something more interesting happened today. There was a speaker from Mexico that is an academic but works with indigenous medicine. He is working to integrate native healing methods (plant knowledge) with standard scientific medicine. He was amazing.

He talked about how there are many realities, and this is only one dimension--don't get too caught up in it. The school system is problematic in many ways--you consume book after book, and become full of books. But what does that get you, as far as truth? The book isn't reality, it's the author's imagination. Three months after he got his PhD, he went to Uganda, and his knowledge was worthless. He went to Peru, the same. He went to Mexico, even more so. It is not reality.

He gave examples of all the different diseases they were able to heal with plants. He talked about how the whole body is sick, not just one part, because it is all connected. The finger is not sick. If the finger is sick, the whole body is sick. For so many diseases, there is no pathogen. The top diseases are cancer, heart attack, depression, lupus, etc--and what is sick? The person is sick. There is no pathogen.

One professor asked him if he had considered the placebo effect. He said that of course they considered it, that was the point. The act of having another person heal you is in itself a great thing (connecting with another human, having that caring), and since so many diseases are from sickness of self, that anything that is heals psychologically IS important. All is integrated.

I am going to watch a movie he was in, about indigenous medicines. He noted that there are great similarities between the medicinal systems of Mexico (there are many, since there were many peoples there before) and other systems throughout the world: Tibetan, Chinese, etc.

Spring is here (sunny and 45), and the melting snow is feeding into the streams and gorges. Spring and summer are the best times to be in Ithaca... actually, the fall is great, too, because of all the tree leaves in the valley. It's good to know I won't have another winter here--just the beginning.

I'm starting to think about jobs but still have little idea of what the possibilities will be. We shall see...

From Post Secret.

I'm realizing how few consequences there are in the day-to-day life of an American. That's why it's so hard not to be wasteful. I broke my iPod charger for the second time. Why? I was lazy and didn't take good care of it, again, so it doesn't work. So what, I thought. I bought a new one for cheap online. It was needlessly wasteful, but there were no consequences in the short-term, none that I could see at all. In that sense, it would be useful for people to have some idea of karma. When you think about everything affected by your actions, it makes you more likely to choose the right action in a circumstance.

word choice

Half of everything at this school has the word "sustainability" attached. It's a buzzword that will get you grants and make it look like you are being environmentally conscious, whether or not you are. It's gotten to the point where the word doesn't get past the filters in my brain. Instead of scanning for key words in event summaries, I'm always looking to see if there will be actual substance or not. Too bad people are afraid to talk about interconnectedness, environmentalism and the like.

Interestingly enough, factory farms love co-opting this language, as well. In the same way they claim that no one cares about cows/chickens more than them, no one cares about the earth more than these giant farms. The funny thing is, they actually have a point. Their argument is that factory farms (though they detest the term) are far better because they requires less land for more animals. This is absolutely true. With so many people demanding meat on a daily basis (often multiple times), free range meat will not go far, and would have to expand on to far more land. Of course, it's still cruel and uses far more resources than a plant-based diet. But their use of the word is technically correct, in their context.

I've been thinking about aging lately. I would like to be in my 50s and 60s and stay there forever. It sounds like such a nice age. You're sort of old, but not really old. No pregnancy worries, you're done raising your kids. You have the freedom of the 20s but much more wisdom. The body is not what it used to be, but that's a great way to practice grace and acceptance.

The last week of March (somehow it is March already) I am going to Vegas with my school trip. So lots of work to get done by then. I'll have a committee meeting.

snow day!

It's snowed about a foot and they canceled morning classes at Cornell. Many other workshops/classes in town were canceled too. So I would have to say, no, it doesn't snow much in Ithaca if they are canceling classes because of snow.

As the study I'm in, I'll be getting a fat biopsy on my hip and taking an oral glucose tolerance test. I know about this from my nutrition days--you come in fasted (12 hours--not a big deal if done in the morning) and drink 100 g (400 calories worth) of a glucose solution. Then your blood glucose gets monitored for two hours afterwards, so see how sensitive you are. In this case, sensitivity is a good thing--it means you are responsive to glucose hormonally, so your body deals with it properly. Insensitivity can mean you are headed towards type II diabetes or PCOS. I really don't want to do it (I can't stand sugary drinks), but I'm really curious to see the results. They normally wouldn't give this to a woman my age unless she was pregnant (gestational diabetes is usually screened for).

I went to yoga yesterday, Forrest yoga, and there was a lot of belly work. I realize my core strength needs to be built back up. At the same time, I noticed my belly was soft, and I liked that. It's comforting. I read a book about yoga abs once. It said core strength is important for supporting your body, but the stomach should not be tight like we are used to seeing as the ideal. Tight stomach means tightly-held emotions. it should be soft and relaxed, and as long as it is strong, it doesn't matter how much fat is on the belly. It should truly be worked from the inside, giving time for emotions to come out as they will.

Being in school is like putting your life on hold. I think that's often the appeal--you feel like whatever you're doing is for the future, and if you don't like it, it's fine because it's not really what you're doing. It's fantasy-based. And at my school, it's so inaccessible to people with diverse backgrounds and situations, that it's even more of a bubble. I suppose at some point, I'll find this experience to be interesting, or useful or something. For now, it's just a strangely insulated place where I am learning some things and don't really feel comfortable.

When I went to NYC this past weekend, it was very obvious why I feel so uncomfortable here. The town is okay, but the school is very conservative and most people fit a specific mold. Hanging out with friends in NYC, I fit in perfectly, in my own way. People thought I was interesting however I was. I didn't have to stretch to find ways to connect.

Luckily, there are some good people here I'd like to see when I go. But I will probably invite them to come to my place, rather than come back here :)